This time of year, I take my help wherever I can find it – usually in a large, steaming cup. Yes, in desperation, I turn once again to my old friend, caffeine. Preferably doused liberally with milk and sometimes chocolate. What?! Caffeine and sugar? Well, dark chocolate, after all, has proven health bennies, and I’m getting calcium in the milk, right? See I am a health-conscious individual!
Hey, don’t judge. It’s the holiday season, so it’s also the time of year when I am completely exhausted. Everyday. All the time.
Who isn’t? Shopping, parties, events of all kind. And don’t get me started on the cards. The endless list of cards, cards, cards. From the week before Thanksgiving until the week after New Year’s, I am practically a zombie.
Enter, my dark master.
Ahhhhh, caffeine, the drug of choice for those of us who are afraid of jail and hangovers. It is practically perfect. That jitter-inducing, breath-scorching panacea – it even cures headaches. Science has proven it. Just read an Excedrin bottle.
A good cup of joe gives you something to do with your hands, goes great with a smoke (for those who still admit to the occasional puff) tastes great and gives you a rush. What’s not to love?
You can meet people for coffee, have people over for coffee, and utter the all-purpose, non-committal, “let’s have coffee” to those to whom you owe an invitation, but don’t really want to see.
You can blame caffeine for your foul moods, as in “Leave me alone, you nimrod, I haven’t had my coffee yet.”
It’s also an effective means of procrastination, as in, “As soon as I finish this cup of coffee I’ll …(insert desired predicate, such as, “finish that report, mop that floor, wrap that gift, etc.”)
But, alas, coffee can only replace sleep for so long and by January I’ll have to cut back on my perky friend (ha ha – pun fully intended.) I’ll need substantive weekend naptime, Pepto-bismol for my acid-rotted stomach and Tylenol for my frayed nerves.
But until then, I’ll abuse my wicked little friend to the fullest. I’ll use any excuse to self-medicate freely and without remorse. I’ll latte in morning, frappe in the afternoon and espresso at night. I’ll carry a cup around with me so often that my friends and family will begin to believe I have been genetically modified to hold one.
I can live with that. What I can’t live without? Caffeine. At least not until January 5th.